I Miss You.

I miss alot of things actually. As I was stuffing envelopes today I had plenty of time to think about things... 6 hours worth of thinking, gluing, stuffing, and sticking. That's what my day consisted of stuffing envelopes relentlously... ugh. But as I was stuffing envelopes my mind started racing. Making me realize things that I have missed which I have decided to list:

1.) I miss singing. Yeah I sing in the car, occassionally in the shower, and even sometimes for people. But since I have been back from Greece, and even in Greece I haven't really sang. Ok I sang before Christmas, but really I miss singing. Hearing voices sing with you, or even over you. I love to harmonize, and sadly I don't know when the next chance I will have to sing. I miss it.

2.) I miss actually playing music. For sometime I have been in a writers block, or I have just not had the desire to play my guitar or even write a song. I miss it. I wish I had inspiration right now, like I did back in highschool, or even the little i did while in college. People have told me well why don't you write a song about matt. I'm sorry I just can't be force to write a song, when it happens it happens. But I miss it, and if I played more I might actually be decent. I guess I just hate the fact that I just play chords. I have a hard time plucking or even experiementing. Yes I have an ear for music but that is about it. I wish it just came naturally... all in all i miss it.

3.) I miss painting, coming up with a picture in my mind and expressing it on the canvas. ANOTHER THING i lack in talent in a way. Unfortunately with painting you have to be somewhat decent at drawing. Unfortunately I am not. I wish I was. but I am not. I miss getting lost in the music and just painting what comes to mind, kinda like a song. Hopefully soon I will have something come to mind and paint it. I hope i hope i hope

4.) I miss friendships... with getting engaged it has caused me to change a little of who I am. Not in a bad way, but in a way to truly learn what it means to cleave. I have recently read that the word cleave means to be welded to, glued to, or just morphed to something. In a way I have to do that, but with that means to let go of a level on my friendships. For so long my friendships are what have kept me held together by the seams. They have been what has encouraged me, what has helped me through this rough life, and something I cherish. I hate letting go of friendships, and I don't but i have to put this marriage first. WHICH IS GOOD. But as this is becoming clearer, its hard. I miss precious people in my life. I miss being able to talk to them, express who i am, and hear their thoughts. I miss seeing a different perspective in life, and i just miss them in general. Some of my best friends in the whole wide world. As I was listening to my ipod songs came up and made me look back into the memories of some of you who are dearest to me. I will always think about you when I listen to certain things like The Classic Crime, Nickelcreek, Paper Route, Regina Spector, Noah and the Whale, Owl City, The Format, Journey, The Ready Set, Iron & Wine, Paramore, Mute Math, Laura Marling, John Mark McMillan, Mumford & Sons, Annuals, Acceptance, The Beatles, and so many more artist and songs that will trigger memories I spent with you. All in all I miss you thus why I am writing a miss you blog. But I know God has some awesome plans for our lives hopefully we can all share with each other at some point in time. Until then I guess missing you will have to suffice.

5.) I miss Greece. Alot at times. As I have been back for over a month I have realized what I had while I was there. I miss the people I worked with and worked for. I miss the ministry, seeing the bright little faces of the children, learning about a new culture. And just getting away from the main materialistic living we as Americans have it. I mean don't get me wrong I like comfort. But it was good to have been stretched to new heights and new limits. I have changed because of you Greece. Thank you for the experience you gave me.

6.) I miss matt, but that is a given lol only a couple of months and I will get to see him. It is crazy how things seem to feel so slow, but yet so fast at the same time. But I miss being in his pressence, being able to share moments with him, being about to learn new things, being able to understand a new structure of thinking. I miss him. But again that's a given. If I didn't something would be wrong.

7.) I miss being young, getting out of highschool, not knowing what I was going to do. Don't get me wrong I have loved what I have done thus far, and what I will be doing. BUT growing up is weird for me. And scares me in a way. What if I don't end up the way I was THOUGHT I was going to. But I miss the since of not really having to worry, and just getting on the brinks of life. YES i loved college at times, and no I would not like to go back to test. But it is just weird to look back and think wow this is where I am at now. Stuffing envelopes. (I just pray that is not what I have to do for the rest of my life, WHY? because life would be boring. I swear there is nothing you can do to make envelope stuffing entertaining or fun. AT ALL )

8.) I miss the sense of adventure. I miss the desire of going out and finding something new. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? why am i so boring these days. SERIOUSLY. I want to go out find something new. But it is like Lazyness has taken over my body. THIS HAS to change ASAP or I might scream. I can't just go out and drive, I have to plan a wedding. UGH lol AND i have to work out. Maybe I will go for a run somewhere, or walk I just wish someone would come with me. OH WELL. but yes adventure you are missed .


ALL in all I truly miss lots of things.. I hope this missing won't stay. I hope i will see these things, see my friends, and embark on an adventure. I guess for now I will just have to deal with the missing and hope it soon goes away. SORRY FOR THE RANT. I am just venting my thoughts. If you don't like it then don't read. It's that simple :)

Have a blessed weekend