It has almost been a month since I have been back from Greece and what have I done:
-Read 2 books
-Got engaged
-Bought my dress
-Planned a wedding
-Worked out and lost MAYBE 2 lbs this week :/
-Traveled to Alabama and back to spend the holidays with family
-Worked one day as a receptionist
-And sit and sleep
Something is missing in this mix.... hmmm what could it be?.... maybe the time to process all that I went through during my time in Greece.... Maybe spend more time talking to God and reading the bible(I've done it some).... Maybe paint to take my mind off things. Right after I got back I had to go go go, and now its hard for me to take a breather and think about all I left behind.
Don't get me wrong I love planning a wedding now, and I like working out, and feeling healthy, and spending time with family and loved ones, but its hard. And no one will understand. People might say I use it as an excuse but it is hard to forget about 3 months out of your life that you took care of people. Broke down, got dirty, and worked hard for a purpose. What is my purpose now? I can only say I am sorry i am just trying to process things so much. People think that I should be ok by now, that I have had enough time to process. NO I HAVEN'T I don't even know where to begin. Or what to say. When people ask me how was my trip... its hard because I don't know if they want to know about the down and dirty details or just want a bogus answer. I guess I feel like I am getting pulled in all different directions and i don't know what to do. I guess i just go on with the routine of things. Working out, watching what I eat, talking to a few people, quiet time, working on some wedding stuff, and sleep. No drive to do anything. OH and I am sick great awesome! I miss Greece. Today would of been a day that I could have helped Carolyn out in the childrens room. I would of gotten to color with one of the kids, loved on them and tell them how proud i was and Jesus was of them. Or I could of served tea with a smile on my face, or taught an English class. This is the first time I have actually sat down and thought about all this. Sorry for the random spill but this is my thoughts for the day. Hope you have a blessed one
-Read 2 books
-Got engaged
-Bought my dress
-Planned a wedding
-Worked out and lost MAYBE 2 lbs this week :/
-Traveled to Alabama and back to spend the holidays with family
-Worked one day as a receptionist
-And sit and sleep
Something is missing in this mix.... hmmm what could it be?.... maybe the time to process all that I went through during my time in Greece.... Maybe spend more time talking to God and reading the bible(I've done it some).... Maybe paint to take my mind off things. Right after I got back I had to go go go, and now its hard for me to take a breather and think about all I left behind.
Don't get me wrong I love planning a wedding now, and I like working out, and feeling healthy, and spending time with family and loved ones, but its hard. And no one will understand. People might say I use it as an excuse but it is hard to forget about 3 months out of your life that you took care of people. Broke down, got dirty, and worked hard for a purpose. What is my purpose now? I can only say I am sorry i am just trying to process things so much. People think that I should be ok by now, that I have had enough time to process. NO I HAVEN'T I don't even know where to begin. Or what to say. When people ask me how was my trip... its hard because I don't know if they want to know about the down and dirty details or just want a bogus answer. I guess I feel like I am getting pulled in all different directions and i don't know what to do. I guess i just go on with the routine of things. Working out, watching what I eat, talking to a few people, quiet time, working on some wedding stuff, and sleep. No drive to do anything. OH and I am sick great awesome! I miss Greece. Today would of been a day that I could have helped Carolyn out in the childrens room. I would of gotten to color with one of the kids, loved on them and tell them how proud i was and Jesus was of them. Or I could of served tea with a smile on my face, or taught an English class. This is the first time I have actually sat down and thought about all this. Sorry for the random spill but this is my thoughts for the day. Hope you have a blessed one
2 comments:
Hey, you don't have to be ok, remember? Also, you will probably never be the same even if you drown yourself in your routine; defining moments leave indelible marks. I hope you get time to sit and think about what God could want to do with you now that you are back.
Thanks Will for actually reading my blogs firstly. Secondly thanks for some great advice I really appreciate it. I finally got a chance to sit down, and think. It was hard, but very good. :)
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