A Indescribable Happily Ever After

Have you ever been in a place of mind where everything around you is going so fast, and then in a split second everything goes in slow motion. This was the equivalent of the past 3 days. Yes those days may have gone by so fast, but to me everything was in slow motion. The first instance I felt this was Wednesday around 3:00 PM when my mom told me that my grandmother only had a few more weeks left with us. When she told me that, I felt as though I had gotten the breath knocked out of me. I knew that if my grandma was going to pass away soon, my grandpa would soon come after. Later that day I called my dad, and he told me everything that was going on. He asked if I would like to talk to my grandma.

[Dialogue between my grandma and me]
Grandma: Hello Callie (in a joyful voice)
Me: Hello Grandma (in a concerning voice)
Me: how are you feeling? Are you okay?
Grandma: I can’t complain, I am just lying around.
Grandma: Callie I want to tell you how proud I am of you, and with all that you have accomplished. You have grown up so fast, and into a beautiful woman with such a pure heart. I love you so much, and I felt as though I should tell you how proud I am of you!
Me: (trying to hold back the tears) Grandma I love you so much…
Grandma: Now Callie there is no reason to be sad. Yes, I know that it will be hard not to feel that way, because, well, we are human. Callie I have lived my life to the fullest, and enjoyed every moment of it, that includes you. There is no reason to be sad over the things of this world, rather be joyful of what is to come. I am excited to see what god has in store for me, and I just can’t wait to have fun! I love you so very much and I hope you live every moment to the fullest!
Me: (at this point I am bawling) Grandma I am going to miss you so much, and I am so sorry I can’t be there right now I wish I could.
Grandma: Aw sweetheart it is quite alright. I know that if you could you would, but really there is nothing to be sad about, because I will be in an amazing place!
Grandma: Well I will let you go. I love you so very much! Goodbye Callie.
Me: Goodbye Grandma! I love you so much! (Me still bawling)

It amazes me that someone who has experienced so much pain can be as joyful as she has been. I feel as though we take for granted of what is to come. That even through pain we should have the joy that was shown to me in that conversation I had with my grandma. Well, as I had my thoughts to process, I had to keep my mind off of what I did not want to admit was happening.
Thursday comes around, and of course to make my life even more stressful, I am a smart cookie and lock my keys in my car. REALLY! The first time I have locked my keys in my car in college and it HAD to be this week! GAH! So I called the security guard, and he comes over to unlock my car. Each motion he did to unlock my car made me cringe. The Scraping of metal, the destruction of my car, UGH! This wasn’t something I really wanted to handle with at the moment but oh well. Finally he got it unlocked and I went back to my room. I am about to go to Chick-Fila and Barnes & Noble before the play, when I get to my car and try to unlock it. The key moves like it is nothing and my car is still locked. “REALLY! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS! UGH!” is what I say aloud as I realize that my car only has ONE lock to unlock the WHOLE car. [Side note: OK who would design a car with one lock?! I mean yeah, you want it to be antitheft, but REALLY! That is the stupidest thing ever! And who ever designed this car is a moron.]

Anyways, the security guard finally comes and unlocks my car for the SECOND time. After the show I receive a text from my sister that says, “Are you coming home now?” In my mind I was freaking out. Was my grandma dead, will I be able to make up the school work I was going to miss, will I be in Texas long? I called my mom, and asked her if everything was alright with Grandma.

[Dialogue between my mom and me]
Mom: Yes she is fine, but she probably now won’t last even the week.
Me: Are you kidding?
Mom: No, and Callie your grandpa isn’t doing well at all. Once he found out about your grandma’s health, his health started falling dramatically, and he now has pneumonia.
Me: (Trying not to cry over the phone)
Mom: It’s like they are having a race to see who will pass first. Callie it is going to be okay though.
Me: Thank you mom. Let me know if anything happens! I am going to go I love you!

If I thought hearing about my grandma was bad, this was 10 times worse. How can this be happening?! Both of my grandparents are dying, I don’t know how long they have to live, and I can’t even be with them or see them! I am 12 hours away from where I need to be at this moment and that is the hardest thing ever.

Once I get into the car everything that is in my mind spilled out. An overflow of emotions came out, and I couldn’t help but feel so alone and worried. I get back to the dorm and get out of my car and LOCK IT AGAIN! UGH! It took two hours, 3 security guards, and Jonah (who is amazing) to open my stupid car. Ugh! I was so frustrated. It’s soooo not cool!

You would think that there couldn’t be anything left. Friday rolls around, and I go to my 8 o’clock class. Right when I step out of my car I lock and close my door without even thinking! AGAIN! You would think after the first 3 times I would have some common sense but Nooooo! So I got it open a couple hours later, and then take my car to be fixed at the dealership. While I am in the dealership I get a call from my dad telling me that grandpa isn’t doing so good, and that he might not even make it through the day. After, I left the dealership, and went to my room to call my dad. I called him, and he told me that grandpa was now unresponsive (which means that you can hear everything around you, but you are not able to speak at all). He asked me if I would like to talk to him.

[Dialogue from me]
Me: Hi Grandpa. I just want to tell you I love you so much and I am going to miss you more than you can ever imagine. I wish I could be there to say goodbye. I am trying my hardest to get there, but if I don’t make it in time then know that I love you and will miss you! Goodbye grandpa (at this point I am bawling)

My dad asked me if I was going to be okay. I told him yes just keep me posted if anything happens. At this point I am stunned that this all could happen in only 3 days. You don’t usually hear the process of your grandparent’s deaths in the matter of 3 days. I am passed just being sad, I am crushed, yet peaceful in the same sense. How you might ask? Well it is because I know that it’s foolish for me not to be peaceful that they will be able to be with the Lord together.

My dad called an hour later, and asked me if I wanted to come home to see him before he died, or just make it for the funeral. And me being an idiot said that I couldn’t miss any classes, but I will come to the funeral. How selfish am I really? I need my family; I have to make it there in time! I called my dad and told him I want to come home as soon as possible. So my mom called the airlines and Saturday at 6:30 AM I was going to start my flight home. As I packed I had random outburst of crying (which by the way was SO annoying). While I was with Jason and Charity informing them on what happened I felt my phone begin to vibrate. At that moment my heart sank to my stomach. It was my dad.

[Dialogue between my dad and me]
Dad: Callie *sigh* your grandpa passed away tonight at 9:10.
Me: (crying) ok, thank you daddy. How are you doing? Like actually doing?
Dad: I am better now. It was unbearable to see him suffering.
Me: yes I understand.
Dad: Callie! It was amazing, out of nowhere we all started singing and holding hands around him, and then your aunt Trish asked me to pray for him, and after I was done he went peacefully.
Me: (bawling) Dad that is amazing! I am ready to be home! Can I still come?
Dad: Of course I want you here at this moment. Callie, it’s going to be ok, he is so much happier now!
Me: I know, it’s just…. I wish I could have seen him one last time, but it’s ok, I know he isn’t in pain now.
Dad: I know, I love you sweetie, I will see you tomorrow!
Me: I love you too daddy, goodnight.
Dad: goodnight sweetheart.

My heart dropped and shattered into little pieces. My grandpa is gone. He is gone, and I wasn’t even able to give him a hug, or a kiss goodbye. I wasn’t able to be with my family. Yes, I had my friends, but for one moment I felt absolutely alone. I talked to my mom before I went to bed and she told me how my grandma was doing, and everyone else.

[Dialogue between my grandma and mom]
Mom: How are you doing Glenda?
Grandma: I am sad but I feel so calloused. Is that wrong?
Mom: No, I understand. You both were ready to go home, he just beat you to it.
Grandma: HA! He did didn’t he?
Mom: And think about it this way, he wanted to be first so he could wait for you to come so he could walk you down the aisle in heaven.
Grandma: You’re right :].

How cute is that? Seriously! Then I asked my mom how dad was doing she said that everyone was doing great until we all started singing Amazing Grace. And it wasn’t until your aunt Trish started singing You Are My Sunshine that I saw your dad’s lip start to quiver. When my mom told me that, in a way I knew it was better for me to not be there. As though I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing my dad in pain, as well as, my grandpa dying. Though don’t get me wrong, I want everything in me to be there, but this happened for a reason.

I have finally arrived in Dallas, TX waiting to get on another flight to Oklahoma City, then on my way back to Wichita Falls, TX to go see my grandma. It blows my mind that all of this could happen in such a short amount of time. That everything piled up to a big pile of pain. Looking at the situation I have to sit back and observer every area. For instance, my grandpa and grandma. For the past few years they have been fighting to stay alive for the other. They were each others’ breath of life, each others goal. Even through their pain, they endured through it all. They stayed strong and joyful to the very end. My grandpa battling heart conditions; 2 open heart surgeries, a handful of strokes, Brain inflation, and pneumonia, he stayed strong, standing by my Grandma every step of the way. It was like he was holding on until he knew for a fact that it wouldn’t be long until he would see his absolutely stunning, beautiful, gorgeous wife again in heaven. As he stands at the presence of the Lord he waits patiently for my grandma. Ready to grab her hand and be with her for the rest of time, forever and ever. The same way as my grandpa staying only for my grandma, she stayed strong until the very end. My grandma has been battling ovarian cancer for the past year as well as a mild case of alzheimer's. It wasn’t until this summer did my grandma decide she wasn’t going to take any more Kemo treatments, and now the cancer has spread rapidly, and yet my grandma is as happy as can be. She fought and fought so she could be with my grandpa. If he was going to fight for his life, she was going to fight even harder. Every day she would go see him, and sit by his side in the same chairs they have had for before I was born, watching the Texas Rangers baseball game on mute, cherishing every moment being together. Though, I didn’t see them show it publicly, I knew they fell in love with each other even more each day they fought and lived. In a way this reminds me of the notebook. They fought so they could die together the way it was suppose to be, joyful and peacefully. By viewing all I have seen I am determined to have the love they have when I am married. To fight, and build each other up so our love can go on forever, and ever. It’s the happily ever after for a love story.

With all that has happened and soon to come I am at peace, yes I am sad but this peace comes only from the Lord. There wasn’t a moment that I didn’t feel the Lord holding me as I cried, and fell apart. He has been there to mend and put the puzzle pieces of my life in the right order. I know that this is a rough time, and I am going to miss them so much, but now is the time to reflect on the memories that were shared from the times I sat in my grandpa’s lap at the lake as he mowed, to the time at Bobby’s Funeral (my other grandma) where he came in on his walker, pushed it aside, saw me and cried and told me how much he loved me! From the amazing cooking of my grandma (esp. the Banana Pudding) to Wednesday when she spoke in such a joyful tone while in so much pain. These memories we have are what will shape us and keep my family going. I am anxious to see how God is and will work through this, and what is in store for my own life. Keeping my mind set on the peace of this, and finding joy in these tribulations is the only way the Lord, as well as, my grandparents would want me to do. I haven’t been able to spill every thought out to anyone so I decided that what better way to say what I want to say, my deepest thoughts, than to write down everything. Yes I may not have said every little detail, but I tried to express the thoughts racing through my mind the best way possible. In a way you are viewing the mind of Callie! Scary huh! Well this has been very interesting so far. I wonder what is next in this adventure called life. We will just have to wait and see, now won’t we!

I leave you with this: Live life to the fullest, with no regrets, but for a purpose. The joy that will come from that will shape you into a woman and man of God. It isn’t until you face a thunderstorm of trials that you realize the true joy the Lord has set in your life. He places a security blanket around you and grabs your hand to guide you through the cold, dark, terrify storm called life. Reassuring you every step of the way that He will never leave you, that He will always protect you, that you are the most precious gift anyone could offer, and that He has a plan. Just let Him do all the work. That deepest love, no one can understand, will get you through your trials. You just have to be willing to sit back, be still, and listen. That pure joy will never leave you, if you are willing. So embrace it! Grab hold of it, and never let it go. The goodness of the Lord is here, and will always be here to stay. Until we meet again paper and pen….